Chronic Pain - The Experience
An endless expedition up Mt. Everest in a blizzard. No glorious photo-op moment at the top. No way anyone can understand your herculean efforts in this impossible mission. An honest person, you find yourself lying everyday. "How are you?" "Fine". You shield those around you from what you are going through, not wanting to spread the misery. You compartmentalize the pain (Spock-like) as much as is humanly possible, but sometimes it overwhelms you.
You have to take some "personal time". You pitch a tiny tent on the side of the mountain for a short while. There's that faded dream of a light in the distance. Even if you are/were a naturally positive person, this mountain is crushing you. You've already hit bottom, been in a very dark place, and made that big decision: whether to quit or carry on. You've decided that you are going to see this out no matter what happens. You hope you can be like the people you've heard about that have endured the impossible. For all you know there might be help right around the corner. You wonder how much constant torment a human being can take. Can't think about this. You take some deep, deliberate breaths, concentrate, and you throw yourself head first back into the blizzard. One foot in front of the other.. one foot in front of the other..